apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
