our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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