i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
