I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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