do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
