I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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