I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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