Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
