Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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