Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
