New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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