Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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