you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
