Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
