Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
