I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
