she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
