im drinking this country out of the recession.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
