good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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