Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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