Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
