He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
