If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Semen is not good for contacts.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
