I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
