Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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