Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
