So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
