I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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