Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
