did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
