I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
