your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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