So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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