Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
