the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
