what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
