No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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