You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
