Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
