And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
