I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
