I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
