Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
