Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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