I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
