The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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