Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
