Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So much rum. So many feels.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
