i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
