yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
