Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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