i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
