I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
