what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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