I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My first STD was from a foam party
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
