It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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