so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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