Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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