Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
