Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
