he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
