I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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