I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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