I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize