I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
