they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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