I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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