I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
