He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
