No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
