I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
